How Time Management Can Ruin Lives

His Story

Tick-tock, tick tock…  It’s the pulse that endlessly beats through his mind.  He attempts to ignore it.  He jogs, reads, writes, drinks, chats, anything to distract its drumming.  But it persists.  The pulse follows him.  It calls to him.  Wherever, whenever… it’s always present. 

There is no idle time.  Tasks are due now.  Tasks are due soon.  Every moment is meticulously accounted for.  At work, at lunch, while socializing, even in bed with his wife… his mind wanders.  What time is it?  Where is the minute hand now?  He has to look.

Tick-tock, tick-tock… the rhythm consumes him.  It’s inside of him.  And he knows it.  “It’s a part of who I am,” he tells his wife when she gets irritated with his rigidness.

He sets the alarm to 5:00AM seven days a week, but he doesn’t need it.  Even on Sundays his eyes robotically pop open around 4:50AM.  It’s the internal pulse that arouses him.   His body simply knows it’s time.  Time for productivity.  Time for action.  It’s always time for something.

The clock radio reads 4:00… now 4:01AM.  No, not yet!  It’s still too early.  One more hour of sleep… one more hour of peace.

As he drives to work, a countdown plays out in his mind.  33 minutes before he arrives at the office.  2 hours and 48 minutes before the weekly marketing conference call.  5 days, 4 hours and 15 minutes before his bi-annual review.  1 month, 2 weeks, 3 days, 12 hours and 30 minutes before his spring vacation.

And as his overloaded mind begins to spin, he thinks about what life would be like if he could just let go of it all… if the internal pulse died and allowed him to simply be in the moment, and live for the sake of existing.  “It would be blissful,” he says to himself.  “Sheer freedom!” 

He pulls into the parking lot at exactly 7:00AM, enters his office, and opens his desktop calendar.  After staring at it blankly for almost a full minute, he closes his eyes and pushes the palms of his hands against his forehead.  Overwhelmed, anxious, trapped… but conscious of what must be done.

He slowly lowers his quivering hands, opens his eyes, and begins to draft his daily to-do list.

Her Story

She doesn’t manage her time.  In fact, she rarely knows what time it is.  In her mind, there are no deadlines.  She understands the concept of time management, and that others are bound by schedules, but she refuses to participate.  “Stop bothering me,” she says.  “My time is mine.”

She doesn’t own an alarm clock, or a calendar, or even a cell phone.  If you question her ways, she’ll snicker and tell you, “You’re just another member of the corporate cattle herd… wasting your time to meet someone else’s agenda.”

She’s totally free to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.  A unique, free spirit in charge of her own destiny… completely immune to the forces that attempt to confine her.

“Don’t lecture me on time management,” she exclaims.  “Instead, why don’t you ponder the last time you actually enjoyed yourself.  I bet, in your quest to satisfy needless commitments and fill a 9 to 5 quota, you enjoy yourself a lot less than I enjoy myself.  If you ask me, you’re the one wasting time!”

Naturally, absolute freedom from the bounds of time has its inherent limitations.  Human beings cannot achieve goals without dedicating time to them.  Likewise, it’s impossible to coordinate productive social interactions without planning a time and space to do so.  Thus, she failed out of college, loses jobs faster than she finds them, and can’t maintain a healthy intimate relationship.  Even her closest friends have written her off as a failure.  And, to her parent’s dismay, she currently lives in their basement, rent free, at the ripe age of 29.

Time Management is Like Gravity

Time management is like gravity.  Too much of it, and we’re stuck in place.  Not enough of it, and we’re lost in space.  We need it to live, but in moderation.

“I Will Do One Thing Today” To-Do List

This morning I informed my colleagues that I had only one thing on my to-do list.  Two of them chuckled, a few of them rolled their eyes, but every one of them assumed I would spend most of my day slacking off.  They changed their minds, however, when our boss sent out a mass email this afternoon praising me for resolving a principal issue that my colleagues had been sidestepping all week long.
In my boss’s eyes, the one thing on my to-do list was more important than the fifty other things my colleagues had accomplished during the same timeframe.

A Commitment to One Thing a Day

Some people spend 90% of their time organizing their time.  Some tackle to-do lists peppered with insignificance that stretch a mile long.  And still, there are others who refuse to do anything at all.
As for me, I am committed to doing one thing a day, and that has made all the difference.

The One Thing To-Do List

What one thing will you do today?
Get out a blank sheet of paper and a pen.  Write “I will do one thing today!” in big letters across the page.  Then list your one thing at the bottom.  It should look something like this:
Make your own “I Will Do One Thing Today” to-do list every morning and get it done before you get sidetracked with unimportant stuff.

What is the Value of an Hour?

It was almost midnight on an idle Tuesday and the hospital hallways were unusually calm.  I had just finished reading an old issue of Sports Illustrated from cover to cover.  “Waiting sucks,” I thought to myself.  “Why didn’t I bring a book?”

As I sat quietly with my eyes closed, I could vaguely hear the soft mumbles of a verbal plea going on in the hospital room beside me.  “You’ve kept him waiting long enough!  My grandson is here!  Oh please, let him in.”  More mumbling… “Please, please… nurse, bring him to me.”

A moment later the nurse stormed out of the room and looked startled to see me waiting in the hall.  “Oh, you’re here!” he yelped.  “I’m sorry.  I’m a hospice nurse and I’ve only been watching over your grandmother for the last 24 hours.  She insisted that you were coming to visit her last night too, so she had me scouring the hospital halls looking for you to no avail.  When she told me you were coming again this evening, I assumed her dementia was getting the best of her.”

“Well, I…”

He interrupted me.  “But I’m really glad you’re here.  I think she’s been holding on just so she could say goodbye to you.  It’s actually miraculous that she’s still able to speak, because her body is rapidly shutting down on her.  The doctor gave her 24 hours to live about 24 hours ago.”

“Jeez, that’s…”

He interrupted again.  “Sir, once more, I’m truly sorry.  I had no idea you were out here waiting.  Please follow me.”

I stood up and the nurse guided me into the room.  “You’re grandson is here,” he announced from the doorway.  The old woman’s eye’s lit up.  “Oh grace…  Oh joy!”  She looked right at me and smiled with all the might she had left in her weak body.  “I knew you’d come.”

I sat down at her bedside and placed my hand over hers, interlocking our fingers and squeezing ever so slightly in an attempt to show affection.  She squeezed back and tried to speak again, but she was too exhausted.  Instead, she stared directly into my eyes and held her smile for several minutes as we continued to hold hands.  Finally, she closed her eyes and rested.

For nearly an hour I didn’t move.  I sat there in silence as she maintained a soft grip on my hand.  Then slowly, her grip loosened and her breathing slowed.  For a moment I thought she was falling into a deeper sleep, but then her breathing stopped altogether.

I let go of her lifeless hand and used the emergency call button to summon the nurse.  The nurse hustled in, covered the body with a white sheet, recorded a few notes on his clipboard, and then began to offer his condolences…

“I’m really sorry for your loss,” he said.  “Have you made any funeral arrangements?”
“I don’t even know her name,” I replied.
“What do you mean?” he asked.  “She’s your grandmother.”

“No, she’s not,” I assured him.  “Prior to stepping foot in this room, I had never met her before in my life.  I’m here at the hospital waiting for my roommate who needs a few stitches on his chin.”

He looked confused.  “I don’t understand.  If you don’t know her, then why didn’t you say so?  And why did you sit beside her for the last hour?”

I smiled.  “Well, I knew immediately that she wasn’t my grandmother.  But when you informed me of her life expectancy, I also knew that her real grandson wasn’t going to make it in time.  So curiosity got the best of me and I followed you into the room.  Then when she saw me and smiled, I realized her vision was so bad that she actually thought I was her grandson.  And knowing how desperate she was to see him, I decided to play the part and spend the hour with her.”

We Determine the Value of Every Hour

Our lives are measured by the value we provide to others.  This value arises from the things we spend our time doing.  And since time is quantified in hours, the value of our lives is equivalent to the sum of every hour we spend.

Opportunities to provide value are everywhere.  Some of them are anticipated, while others blindside us at midnight on an idle Tuesday.  Whether or not we choose acknowledge these opportunities is up to us.

How have you spent the last hour of your life?

A Miracle Cure for Stress

Do you feel like life is accelerating?  Maybe you look back at the last five years and wonder where time went.  It may even feel as if all that’s left is stress – without moments of joy and peace.

I must admit, I also feel like this sometimes.  But when I do, I reach for the miracle cure.  This miracle cure doesn't come in a bottle.  We can’t buy it.

We already have the cure for stress within us.

I’m talking about the miracle of ‘Now’.  It’s quite amazing.  When we enter the ‘Now’ and become present - even just for a moment - stress dissolves.

How can we become present?

Awareness is the key to becoming present.  We often confuse awareness with concentration, but these two mind-states are very different.  Concentration is like a narrow beam of light shining on a task.

Awareness is the soft, full light of attention.

The word ‘attend’ implies that there is tenderness at work… that we are seeing with our heart.  Attention means paying tender regard to the beasts and birds, neighbors, coffee cups and pencil sharpeners.  When we pay tender regard to the dishes, even dish-washing becomes a joy.

Toni Packer, a contemporary meditation master says:

Attention comes from nowhere. It has no cause. It belongs to no-one. When it functions effortlessly, there is no duality.

What she’s saying is that when we’re attending to the present moment, we lose the sharp distinction between the self locked in this skin-bag, and the world outside.

When we attend in this way, we feel the world open. And we make friends with our body.

Suddenly we become fully aware of the tenseness in our shoulders, the little bubble of hope in our mind, or the haze of sadness in our heart.  And with this awareness we find that people are friendlier and cats purr louder.

Paying tender regard is simple, but not easy.

We need to stay steady in the face of our changing moods and the stimuli bombarding our senses.

What’s the connection with stress?
When we are stressed, our mind is split.  One part is firmly focused on whatever is pressing in upon us, while the other part is giving minimal attention to whatever tasks need to be done quickly in the meantime.
Let me give you an example.  Imagine that you are late for work and you are rushing around your home in preparation to leave.  If a loved one starts telling you something important about what they are going to do today, how much of your attention is going to be focused on what they are telling you?  Not much, I would think.
When we become present, we stop being preoccupied.  In the space that opens for a moment, we can breathe deeply and listen deeply.  For a moment, stress slips off our shoulders.  And we can learn to have more and more moments of peacefulness in our life.

Here’s how to take the miracle medicine:

There is a very simple way to become present.  And the great thing is that the more you practice it, the easier it becomes.  You can try it right now.
Inhale deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth.  Listen to the sounds around you and feel the ground under your feet.  As soon as you are present, gently touch your thumb and forefinger together on each hand.
This light touch is the trigger that can help you access the present moment, and escape stress.
Whenever you feel stressed, stop for a moment, take one deep breath, and touch your thumbs and forefingers together.

48 Questions That Will Free Your Mind

These questions have no right or wrong answers.

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. What are you most grateful for?
25.    Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
26. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
27. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
28. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
29. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
30. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
31. If not now, then when?
32. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
33. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
34. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
35. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
36. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
37. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
38. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
39. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
40. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
41. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
42. When is the time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
43. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
44. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
45. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
46. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
47. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
48. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Please share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.

And check out these books for more thought-provoking questions:

• The Book of Questions
• If… (Questions For The Game of Life)
• The Complete Book of Questions: 1001 Conversation Starters for Any Occasion

How To Make Today Memorable

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is just a figment of the imagination.  So if you think about it, today is the only day you’re alive.  Today is the day that matters the most.

Here’s how to make it memorable:

• Try something totally new. – Variety truly is the spice of life.  You can see or do something a million times, but you can only see or do it for the first time once.  As a result, first time experiences usually leave a reflective mark in our minds for the rest of our lives.  So spice it up!
• Entertain yourself with real-world experiences. – Great memories are the product of interesting life experiences.  So turn off the television (or the computer) and get outdoors.  Interact with the world, appreciate nature, take notice of the simple pleasures life has to offer, and just watch as life unfolds in front of you.
• Work on something that’s meaningful to you. – Engage yourself in a meaningful personal project.  Or pull the trigger on doing something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, but haven’t yet had the resolve to do.  Life is short.  Today is the day to take action.
• Challenge your mind and body. – Learn a new skill.  Be creative.  Build something from the ground up, no matter how small.  Run farther than you’ve ever run before.  Push yourself to the limits!
• Concentrate on less, but give it your best. – Slow down.  Pay close attention to what you’re doing.  Don’t waste time juggling forgettable tasks.  Instead, concentrate on a few things that really matter.  Engage fully in this day.
• Say “yes” to a spontaneous opportunity. – Everything in life can’t be planned.  Some of the greatest opportunities will knock on your door when you least expect them to.  Be flexible, be spontaneous, and just say “yes.”
• Complete an important piece of unfinished business. – Today is a perfect day to finish what you started.  Few feelings are more satisfying than the one you get after an old burden has been lifted off of your shoulders.
• Document your day. – Take lots of pictures.  Keep a journal.  Document your day so you can review it some other day.  Many moons from now, these old photos and journal entries will ignite your recollection of great memories from the past.
• Smile, be positive, and notice what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad.  It just depends on your perspective.  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.
• Be authentic.  Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”  Live by this statement.  There is no such thing as living a good day in someone else’s shoes.  The only shoes you can occupy are your own.  If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living… you’re merely existing.  And no day spent in a phony state of mere existence will ever be memorable or worthwhile.
• Actively assist someone in need. – In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you, something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.  I promise, it will be an extremely rewarding experience.  One you’ll likely remember forever.
• Share time with a good friend and experience life together. – Pink Floyd once said, “The memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his prime.”  There are few things more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your closest friends who lived these moments alongside you.
• Make a new friend. – People are interesting creatures, and no two people are exactly alike.  So meet someone new today.  Find out what makes them tick.  They’ll likely open your eyes to fascinating ideas and perspectives.  And you never know, they just might change your life.
• Do something fun and laugh your ass off. – Some of the most memorable moments in your life will be moments spent in laughter.
• Be present.  Be here now. – I purposely left this bullet for last because it perfectly encompasses all of my previous points. – Don’t let your life slip by.  Instead of dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future, just practice being and living in the ‘now.’  Remember, right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  Don’t miss it.

And I leave you with this to think about:

We all agree that life is short.  Sooo…

Why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

How To Live Life

Because there is a big difference between living and merely existing…

• Educate yourself until the day you die. – The time and energy you invest in your education will change your life.  You are a product of what you know.  The more knowledge you acquire, the more control you have over your life.
• Take good care of your body. – Your body is the greatest tool you’ll ever own.  It impacts every step you take and every move you make.  Nourish it, exercise it, and rest it.
• Spend as much time as possible with the people you love. – Human beings are emotional creatures.  Family and close friends makeup the core of your emotional support system.  The more you nurture them, the more they will nurture you.
• Be a part of something you believe in. – This could be anything.  Some people take an active role in their local city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in, and others find passion in their careers.  In each case the psychological outcome is the same.  They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.  This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.

• Excel at what you do. – There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right.  Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies.  Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
• Live below your means. – Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one.  Do not spend to impress others.  Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.  Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you.  Always live well below your means.
• Be self-sufficient. – Freedom is the greatest gift.  Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.
• Build a comfortable, loving household. – Home is where the heart is.  Your home should be comfortable and lined with love.  It should be a place that brings the whole family together.
• Always be honest with yourself and others. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless.
• Respect elders.  Respect minors.  Respect everyone. – There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.
• Mix it up.  Try different things. – Seek as many new life experiences as possible and be sure to share them with the people you love.  After all, your life’s story is simply a string of experiences.  The more experiences you have, the more interesting your story gets.
• Take full ownership of your actions. – Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
• Over-deliver on all your promises. – Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill.  They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity.  If you want to boost your personal value, do the exact opposite. Slightly under-sell your capabilities so that you’re always able to over-deliver.  It will seem to others like you’re habitually going above and beyond the call of duty.
• Listen more.  Talk less. – The more you listen and the less you talk, the more you will learn and the less you will miss.
• Focus more on less. – Think in terms of Karate: A black belt seems far more impressive than a brown belt.  But does a brown belt really seem any more impressive than a red belt?  Probably not to most people.  Remember that society elevates experts high onto a pedestal.  Hard work matters, but not if it’s scattered in diverse directions.  Focus on less and master it all.
• Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness.  How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy?  The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have.  Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
• Savor the natural joys of simple pleasures. – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the best things in life are free.  They come in the form of simple pleasures and they appear right in front of you at various locations and arbitrary times.  They are governed by Mother Nature and situational circumstance and captured by mindful awareness.  It’s all about taking a moment to notice the orange and pink sunset reflecting off the pond water as you hold hands with someone you love.  Noticing these moments and taking part in them regularly will bring unpredictable bursts of happiness into your life.
• Reflect on your goals and direction. – Not doing so is committing to wasteful misdirection.  The process of self reflection helps maintain a conscious awareness of where you’ve been and where you intend to go, giving you the ability to realign your trajectory when necessary.
• Leave time for spontaneous excursions. – Sometimes opportunity knocks at unexpected times.  Make sure you have enough flexibility in your schedule to respond accordingly.
• Be here now. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  Don’t miss it.

Additional Reading Material and Sources:

• Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives
• The Life You Were Born to Live: A Guide to Finding Your Life Purpose
• The Self-sufficient Life and How to Live It
• The 4-Hour Workweek - Escape the 9-5, Live Anywhere