Years ago, my best friend gave me a book called Soulmates by Thomas Moojre. At the time I had no interest in spirituality or personal development, my friend just wanted to help me with my rather desperate search for a meaningful romantic relationship.
I read the book and, candidly speaking, I still continued to have unfulfilling relationships that seemed to always end badly. Not that the book was bad — it’s an amazing book — I just couldn’t receive all the wisdom within it.
There was one gift I received from it though, and I’ll sum up that concept very simply for you:
When we have conflict in our lives, it is human nature to want to resolve it as quickly as possible. Our minds search for answers… we want to expel this discomfortable conflict from our life as quickly as possible. We “want it gone.”
And when we are torn between two extremes, such as important decisions to make that go beyond what to eat for lunch (though it still applies), we become almost desperate for an answer. Our mind races, and we lose connection with our heart and soul in an egotistical attempt to “fix it.”
Thomas Moore suggests that rather than constantly trying to seek an answer or “fix” the situation, we allow ourselves to stay in the uncomfortable zone. He says that by staying in the uncomfortable zone we will naturally discover what the true best answer is for us… because our mind’s desire to get rid of the discomfort will be overridden by what our heart and soul have to tell us.
Ever since reading his book, I have found that to be true in my life.
More recently, I’ve taken that concept in a different, deeper direction. I’ve found that it applies not just to situations of discomfort and conflict, but rather, it applies to life.
So often we’re told by teachers that “they have the answers” and “they can teach us.” And while that is true to some extent — especially as it relates to technical or how-to kinds of ordinary knowledge — we have a far deeper capacity to teach ourselves than we give ourselves credit for.
Today I have a quick exercise for you…
Next time you have a question in which the answer is not easily accessible, allow yourself to hold the question without trying to answer it. Instead of using your mind to find the answer, just keep asking the question to yourself.
Let’s use a simple example. It’s lunchtime and you’re trying to decide what to eat (or where to go to eat). You don’t know what you feel like. Instead of trying to force an answer out of yourself… allow yourself to be in that unknown space.
Just ask yourself, “What do I want to eat right now?”
If you don’t get an answer. That’s fine. Pause a moment, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Then ask again. Or maybe ask a body part of yours what it wants. “Stomach, what do you want to eat right now?” “Heart, what food would make you happiest right now?”
That may sound strange, but the truth is, we are integrated, whole, connected beings… and that means, just as our minds contain wisdom our bodies don’t know about, our bodies also contain wisdom that our minds don’t know about.
I’ve personally found that this approach works best when I don’t need an immediate answer. When there’s some emotionally challenging situation that needs resolution, if I can sleep on it (the more nights the “better”), and revisit asking myself that question periodically, the true, right, best answer for me will arise naturally out of the unknown uncomfortable space I allow myself to rest in.
And to go one step further…
What if the spiritual sages of the ages are right about all of us being one?
What if we are even capable of answering bigger questions without always needing a teacher?
Think about it.
You don’t have to answer right now.
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