A man can hear a complaint a mile away.
When you’re frustrated because your man isn’t measuring up, isn’t stepping up and just generally isn’t even bothering to row your relationship rowboat, you complain.
Sometimes, you may even whine.
And if you try to hide your feelings, it comes out in your voice and energy anyway.
Your man may even label an innocent remarks or requests as a “complaints.” He may believe you’re starting a fight when all you’re doing is pointing something out or trying to get our needs met.
So much goes into how you communicate including the words you use and what feelings you identify and share with him. But too many people overlook one very important detail of communication: tone of voice.
Look at your tone of voice and how you say things as a tool to get closer to your man to getting your needs met. Believe it or not, you can feel stronger and more powerful in every conversation with a man.
Here’s how:
1. Every time you want to convey to your man that something needs doing, or something didn’t get done, or you need it done a certain way — write down what you’re feeling and what you really want.
2. While you’re in conversation with him about that something, notice your tone of voice.
See if you could label it yourself as the sound of a “complaint.” If you can hear it as a complaint, ask yourself what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking.
Ask yourself the big question: Who has the power here?
If your voice sounds to you like a “complaint” or a “whine,” most likely you’re feeling that he has the power.
3. Imagine that you have the power.
Imagine that he is only there in your life to make you happy.
Imagine that you are merely giving him an opportunity to make you happy.
Imagine that you are his reward for making you happy, and that just your presence in his life is your amazing gift to him.
4. As soon as you feel the switch in your feelings, thoughts and energy, notice if the tone of your voice changes.
Notice if you feel lighter.
Notice if, instead of the sound of a “complaint,” your voice is the sound of a dog owner holding a delicious doggie treat and saying “Here, boy….”
I don’t mean to compare a man to a dog. But I do want to talk about some similarities:
Dogs work for treats.
And so does a man.
Dogs work for treats like food, and they also work for praise, and for kind and excited and happy words said in a happy tone of voice. They work for pats on the head and for tummy rubs.
Dogs hear words, but what they listen to is their sense of who has the power. They know that the creature with the food has the power.
And guess what — you are the food for your man.
A dog isn’t fooled by words. You can say anything you want to a dog. You can even scream at him. But if he doesn’t sense that you have the power, he won’t take you seriously. A dog doesn’t take us seriously unless we take ourselves seriously. The same principle holds true with a man.
We can pretend all we want with a dog and pretend all we want with a man, but both a dog and a man can sense when we’re pretending we have power, and when we really do.
So try out your “doggie treat” voice.
See how it makes you feel.
See how knowing you hold the food of love for your man right in your own hands can change a “complaint” that a man won’t even hear, into a moment of sharing your feelings that will inspire him, and motivate him, to do almost anything to please you.
When you’re frustrated because your man isn’t measuring up, isn’t stepping up and just generally isn’t even bothering to row your relationship rowboat, you complain.
Sometimes, you may even whine.
And if you try to hide your feelings, it comes out in your voice and energy anyway.
Your man may even label an innocent remarks or requests as a “complaints.” He may believe you’re starting a fight when all you’re doing is pointing something out or trying to get our needs met.
So much goes into how you communicate including the words you use and what feelings you identify and share with him. But too many people overlook one very important detail of communication: tone of voice.
Look at your tone of voice and how you say things as a tool to get closer to your man to getting your needs met. Believe it or not, you can feel stronger and more powerful in every conversation with a man.
Here’s how:
1. Every time you want to convey to your man that something needs doing, or something didn’t get done, or you need it done a certain way — write down what you’re feeling and what you really want.
2. While you’re in conversation with him about that something, notice your tone of voice.
See if you could label it yourself as the sound of a “complaint.” If you can hear it as a complaint, ask yourself what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking.
Ask yourself the big question: Who has the power here?
If your voice sounds to you like a “complaint” or a “whine,” most likely you’re feeling that he has the power.
3. Imagine that you have the power.
Imagine that he is only there in your life to make you happy.
Imagine that you are merely giving him an opportunity to make you happy.
Imagine that you are his reward for making you happy, and that just your presence in his life is your amazing gift to him.
4. As soon as you feel the switch in your feelings, thoughts and energy, notice if the tone of your voice changes.
Notice if you feel lighter.
Notice if, instead of the sound of a “complaint,” your voice is the sound of a dog owner holding a delicious doggie treat and saying “Here, boy….”
I don’t mean to compare a man to a dog. But I do want to talk about some similarities:
Dogs work for treats.
And so does a man.
Dogs work for treats like food, and they also work for praise, and for kind and excited and happy words said in a happy tone of voice. They work for pats on the head and for tummy rubs.
Dogs hear words, but what they listen to is their sense of who has the power. They know that the creature with the food has the power.
And guess what — you are the food for your man.
A dog isn’t fooled by words. You can say anything you want to a dog. You can even scream at him. But if he doesn’t sense that you have the power, he won’t take you seriously. A dog doesn’t take us seriously unless we take ourselves seriously. The same principle holds true with a man.
We can pretend all we want with a dog and pretend all we want with a man, but both a dog and a man can sense when we’re pretending we have power, and when we really do.
So try out your “doggie treat” voice.
See how it makes you feel.
See how knowing you hold the food of love for your man right in your own hands can change a “complaint” that a man won’t even hear, into a moment of sharing your feelings that will inspire him, and motivate him, to do almost anything to please you.
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